Thursday, January 26, 2012

a story: (not for faint of heart)

after a late night I wrote a story to you. It could be a story that some may not want to read. As always this blog is dedicated to my daughter. I love to share my love for documenting, recording, and scrapbooking with everyone... I just always want everyone to know this is Emma's Story.

So after a couple strange nights I decided to write my story out on Evernote late one night. 

A few nights ago you and I sat in your room. We were doing our usual nightly ritual. This consists of you laying on my lap as I rock you to sleep as we listen to new age alternative rock. Whether you like it or not, I actually sing to you as well. Now im not know for my vocals but you never seem to mind as you slip into serenity. This night I speak of is a strange night that has stuck with me for days. We were sitting there in the dark, methodically when suddenly you sat up and pointed to a spot in the room. This spot was too dark to see anything, but I asked anyway "what is it Emma?" You responded simply by pointing in the exact same spot again. It cause my heart to drop. I was unable to move my eyes from that spot. Unable to move, it felt to me as if you believed you were pointing to someone. I ruled out all else I believed you could be pointing at. Needless to say we did not sleep in your room that night. Since then nights have passed, jokes been made, and the majority concenses that I've aquired this true sense of horror from repeatedly watching horror movies. Now to tonight, Again we were going through our normal nightly rocking jam in session when the next thing I know you begin to laugh. Now u may say it was from my singing ill assure u it wasn't,  because I wasn't. You stared off into an area right next to us and continued to laugh. This caused my heart to drop yet again. I repeatedly thought "who is here with us?" Suddenly a wave of relief washed over me. Like some thing clicked in me. You are happy. You aren't scared. That if someone was with us they are making you feel happy. Without further thought I turned to my left and rubbed you hair, and as I starred at you I spoke aloud "she's beautiful isn't she" I do not know reasons behind this beyond the fact that I felt I wanted it known. Next this wave of pure emotions flooded through me, it brought tears to my eyes. I knew who was with me, my grandmothers. They were with like they always are. Guiding your hand every dangerous leaps you make because you refuse to not climb on high surfaces, they are here guiding me through the tough troubles that come from being a first time parent. I know the question that will be asked will be do you believe in ghosts? You actually think your grandfathers are standing there?? To be honest I know they are there. They always have been. I don't believe they are what most would consider ghosts, but I do believe they are there as spirits. As pure goodness and beauty. The actions you took may be mere coincidences as you seen a toy you wanted or you thought mommy's singing from earlier was funny..... but the feeling I felt afterwards is beyond the words I could ever type. I felt pureness, love, and complete admiration towards myself. I know the bond I have with you is strong and its growing by shear strength and that the presence of them is just as powerful. I will sleep soundly know that as you rest in your bed you will always have 2 angels that keep a watchful eye when I can't. 
I love you Emma grace